This is unbelievable.It's been like a half an hour.
If this was a cartoon, you'd be looking like a ham right about now.
There's the waitress.Excuse me, Miss. Hello, Miss?
It's Phoebe!
Hi!
Hi.
Okay, will that be all?
Wait, wait! Wh-what are you doing here?
Yeah, um, I was over there, then you said, "Excuse me, helloMiss," so now I'm here.
No, no how come you are working here?
Right, yeah, 'cause its close to where I live, and the aprons arereally cute.
Can we start over?
Yeah.Okay great. I'm gonna be over here.
No, no, no!
I don't know whether he's testing me, or just acting out, but mymonkey is out of control.
But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine,
"supposedly" by accident.
No, yeah, I've done that.
And then, like three days in a row he got to the newspaper before I did,
and peed all over the crossword.
I've never done that.
All right, now look at her and tell me she doesn't look exactly likeher sister.
I'm sayin' I see a difference.
They're twins!
I don't care.
Phoebe's Phoebe. Ursula's hot!
You know that thing, when you and I talk to each other about things?
Yeah.
Let's not do that any more.
Hey guys! Hey!
Hey Pheebs, guess who we saw today.
Ooh, ooh, fun! Okay... um,
Liam Neeson.
Nope.
Morly Safer.
Nope.
The woman who cuts my hair!
Okay, look, this could be a really long game.
Your sister Ursula.
Oh, really.
Yeah, yeah, she works over at that place, uh
Rift's. Yeah, I know.
Oh, you do?
Because she said you guys haven't talked in like years.
Hmmm? Yeah.
So, um, is she fat?
Not from where I was standin'.
where were you standing?
Um, Pheebs, so, you guys just don't get along?
It's mostly just dumb sister stuff, you know,
I mean, like, everyone always thought of her as the pretty one, you know
Oh, oh, she was the first one tostart walking, even though I did it
later that same day.
But, to my parents, by then itwas like "yeah, right, well what else is new?"
Oh, Pheebs, I'm sorry, I've got to go.I've got Lamaze class.
Oh, and I've got Earth Science, but I'll catch you in Gym.
So, is this just gonna be you and Carol?
No, Susan's gonna be there too.
We've got dads, we've gotlesbians, the whole parenting team.
Well, isn't, isn't that gonna be weird?
No, no. I mean, it mighta beenat first, but by now I, I think I'm pretty comfortable with the whole situation.
Ross, that's my jacket.
I know.
Hi, we're the Rostins.Err, I'm J.C., and he's Michael, andwe're having a boy, and a girl.
Good for you. Alrighty, next?
Hi, um, I'm err, I'm Ross Geller, and errah ..
that's, that's my boy in there, and uh,
this is Carol Willick, and this is Susan Bunch.
Susan is um Carol's, just, com..
who's next?
I'm sorry, I didn't get... Susan is?
Susan is Carol's, Carol's, Carol's, friend
Life partner.Like buddies.
Like lovers.
You know how close women can get.
Susan and I live together.Although I was married to her.
Carol, not me.
Err, right.It's a little complicated.A little.
But we're fine.Absolutely.
So, twins... hah!That's like two births.
Ouch.
And to you too, Helen.
Nina Bookbinder is here to see you.
Oh, okay. Send her in.
Hi.
Hi, Nina. Come on in.
You wanted to see me?
Uh, Yes.
Yes. I've just been going over your data here, and littlething, you've been post-dating your Friday numbers.
Which is bad, because?
Well, it throws my WENUS out of whack.
Your... excuse me?
WENUS. Weekly Estimated Net...
Oh, Net Usage Statistics, right.
Gotcha, gotcha. Won't happen again. Iwouldn't want to do anything to hurt your "wenus."
It's not just that she's cute, okay.It's just that..
she's really really cute.
It doesn't matter.You don't dip your pen in the company ink.
Ross, your little creature's got the remote again.
Marcel, Marcel, give Rossie the remote.
Marcel.
Marcel, you give Rossie theremote right now
Marce...
you give Rossie the remote...
Great.
Relax, I'll fix it.
Cool. "Urkel" in Spanish is"Urkel."
How did he do this?
So tell me something, is leaving theChristmas lights up part of your plan to keep us merry all year long?
Ah no, you see, someone was supposed to take them down around NewYear's... but obviously someone forgot.
Well, someone was supposed to write "Rach, take down thelights" and put it on the re frigerate...
How long has that been there?
Hey, where you been?
I went back to Riff's.I think Ursula likes me. All I ordered wascoffee, she brought me a tuna melt and fourplates of curly fries.
Score.
She is so hot!
Yeah, listen.Okay, before you do anything Joey-like, you might wanna runit by err...
Pheebs?
Yeah?
You think it would be okay if I asked out your sister?
Why?Why would you wanna do that? Why?
So that if we went out on a date, she'd be there.
Well, I mean, I'm not my sister's, you know, whatever, and um
I mean, it's true, we were one egg, once, but err, you know, we've grown apart,
so, um... I don't know, why not? Okay.
Cool, thanks.
You okay?
Yeah I'm fine.
You wanna watch Laverne y Shirley?
Sorry.
Hi.
Sorry I'm late. Where's, where's Carol?
Stuck at school.Some parent-teacher thing.
You can go. I'll get the information.
No No...
No. I think I should stay, I think we should both knowwhat's going on.
Oh, good. This'll be fun.
Alrighty.
We're gonna start with some basic third stage breathingexercises, so Mummies, why don't you get on your back?
And coaches, you should besupporting Mummy's head.
What? What? What?
I am supposed to be the mommy?
Okay, I'm gonna play my sperm card one more time.
Look, I don't see why I should have to miss out on the coachingtraining just because I'm a woman.
I see. So what do you propose to do?
I will flip you for it.
Flip me for it?No, no, no heads, heads, heads!
On your back... Mom.
Alright, Mommies, take a nice deep cleansing breath.
Good.
Now imagine your vagina is opening like a flower.
Mr. D, how's it going, sir?
Ohh, it's been better.
The Annual Net Usage Statistics are in.
And?
It's pretty ugly.
We haven't seen an ANUS this bad since theseventies.anus : Ç×¹®
So what does this mean?
Well, we're gonna be layin' off people in every department.
Hey, listen, I know I came in late last week, but I slept funny, and myhair was very very -
Not you. Relax.
Ever have to fire anyone?
Nina? Nina.
Nina...
Nina.
Are you okay?
Yes, yes I am.
Err, listen, the reason that Icalled you in here today was, err
please don't hate me.
What?
Would you like to have dinner sometime?
So Pheebs, what do you want for your birthday?
Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.
Okay
Let me put it this way.
Anything from Crabtree and Evelyn?
Ooh! Bath salts would be nice.
Ooh, okay... good.
What is this place?
Look, you're cold, I have to pee, andthere's a cup of coffee on the window.How bad could it be?
I think we have an answer.
What's she doing here?
This could be God's way of telling us to eat at home.
Think she got fired at Riff's?
No, no, no.We were there last night. She kept..bringing swordfish.
are you gonna go to the, um?
I'm gonna wait till after we order.It's her, right.
It looks like her.
Um, excuse me.
Yeah?
Hi, it's us.
Right, and it's me.
So, so you're here too?
Much as you are.
Your turn.
Err... we know what we want.
Oh, that's good.
All we want is two Caffe Lattes.And some biscotti cookies.
Good choice.
Definitely her.Yeah.
I can't believe you.
You still haven't told that girl shedoesn't have a job yet?
Well, you still haven't taken down the Christmas lights.
Congratulations, I think you've found the world's thinnestargument.
I'm just trying to find the right moment, you know?
Oh, well, that shouldn't be so hard, now that you're dating.
"Sweetheart, you're fired, but how 'bout aquickie before I go to work?"
Hey.Hey.
You know, once you're inside, you don't have to knock any more.
I'll get it.
Oh. Hi, Mr.Heckles.
You're doing it again.
We're not doing anything.We're just sitting around talking,
quietly.
I can hear you through the ceiling.
My cats can't sleep.
You don't even have cats.
I could have cats.
Goodbye Mr.Heckles.
We'll try to keep it down.
Phoebe, could you do me a favour?
Could you try this on? I just wanna makesure it fits.
Ooh, my first birthday present..oh, this is really...
Oh, no no no.It's for Ursula. I just figured, you know, size-wise.
Ohhh... Sure, yeah...
..okay, it fits.
Are you seein' her again tonight?
Yep. Ice Capades.
Wow, this is serious.I've never known you to pay money for any kindof capade.
I don't know.I like her, you know. She's different. There'suh, somethin' about her.
That you like, we get it. You like her. Great!
Hey, Phoebe, I asked you, and you said it was okay.
Alright, well, maybe now it's not okay.
Okay Well maybe now I'm not okay with it not being okay.
Okay.
Knit, good woman, knit, knit!
And that's the Chrysler Building right there.
Nina.
Mr.Douglas...
..cool tie.
She's still here.
Yes, yes she is.
Didn't I memo you on this?
See, after I let her go,err, I got a call from her psychiatrist, Dr.Flanen-nen, Dr. Flanen, Dr. Flan.
And err, he informed me that uh, she took the news rather badly, in fact,he uh, mentioned the word frenzy.
You're kidding? She seems so...
Oh, no, no. Nina... ..she iswhooo wewee-woo whoo whoo!
In fact, if you asked her right now, she would have norecollection of being fired at all, none at all.
That's unbelievable.
And yet, believable.
So I decided not to fire her again until I can beassured that she will be no threat to herself, or others.
I see.
I guess you never really know what's goin' on insidea person's head.
Well, I guess that's why they call it psychology, sir.
a sound Mom and Dad never forget.For this after all, is themiracle of birth.
Lights please?And that's having a baby.
Next week is our finalclass.
Susan, go deep.
This is impossible.It's just impossible.
What is, honey?
What that woman did.
I am not doin' that.It's just gonna have to stay in, that's all, everything will be the same, it'll just stay in.
Carol, honey, shhh, shhh, everything's gonna be alright.
OH, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
NO-ONE'S GOING UP TO YOU ANDSAYING, "HI, IS THAT YOUR NOSTRIL? (Äà±¸¸Û)
MIND IF WE PUSH THIS POT ROAST (¼è°í±â³¿ºñ±¸ÀÌ) THROUGH IT?"
Carol, Carol, sweetie.
Cleansing breath.
I know it's frightening, but, big picture.
The birth part is just oneday, and when it's over, we're all gonna be parents for the rest of our lives.
I mean, that's what this is all about, right?
Ross? Ross?
I'm gonna be a father.
This is just occurring to you?
I always knew I was havin' a baby, I just never realised the baby washaving me.
Oh, you're gonna be great!
Aw, how can you say that?I can't even get Marcel to stop eating thebath mat. How am I gonna raise a kid?
You know, Ross, some scientists are now saying that, that monkeys andbabies are actually different.
Where're you going?
Out.
With?
Yes.
Alright, could I just ask you one question?
Have you two, you know like...
you know... you know... yet?
Well, not that it's any of your business, but, no, we haven't,
okay?
You meant sex, right?
Do you have a sec?
Ah, sure, Nina. What's up?
I don't know.
For the past couple days, people have been avoidingme and giving me these really strange looks.
Oh, well, ah maybe that's because they're ah... jealous, of us.
Maybe.
But that doesn't explain why they keep taking my scissors.
Ah, well, maybe that's, ah, because you're getting a big raise.
I am?
Sure, why not?
Oh my god! You're amazing!
Oh, you don't know.
Helen, could you make surewe put through the paperwork on Miss Bookbinder's raise?
So you still want me to send her psychological profileto Personnel?
What?
Helen drinks. Will you marry me?
Well, I ended up telling her everything.
Oh, how'd she take it?
Pretty well.Except for the stapler thing.
if you're ever in a similar situation, never ever leave yourhand... ..on the desk.
Okay, I think I get how to do this.
Alright, so, can we turn this off?Can we just make it make them goaway? Because I can't, I can't watch.
okay, Pheebs, they're gone.
Okay.
Are you alright?
Yeah.It's just, you know, it's this whole stupid Ursulathing, it's...
Okay, Pheebs, can I ask?
So, he's going out with her.I mean, is itreally so terrible?
Um, yeah.
Look, I mean, I'm not saying she's like evil oranything.
She just, you know, she's always breaking my stuff.
When I was eight, and I wouldn't let her have my Judy Jetson thermos, so she threw it under the bus.
And then, oh, and then there was Randy Brown, who was like Have you ever had aboyfriend who was like your best friend?
No.
Well, but that's what he was for me.
And she you know, kind of stole him away, and then broke his heart... and then he wouldn't even talk to me any more.
Because he said he didn't wanna be around anything that looked like either one of us.
Oh... Oh, Pheebs.
I mean, I know Joey is not my boyfriend, or my thermos, or anything, but
You're not gonna lose him.
Hon, you gotta talk to Joey.
Yeah. Okay.
No, come on, he doesn't know this stuff.If he knew how you felt.
But he's falling in love with her.
Oh please, they've been going out a week.They haven't even slepttogether yet, I mean, that's not serious.
Okay... Okay.
Oh, okay, oh.
Oh.
Yeah, um, may we help you?
Rachel, what are you doing?It's freezing out here.Would you comeback inside?
No no no no no.
You wanted me to take them down, so I'm takin' 'em down.Okay?
Whoa!
Oh-my-god Rachel! Rachel!
I'm okay!I'm okay!
Mr. Heckles, Mr. Heckles could you help me please?
See, this is just the kind of thing I was talking about.